flo marja's blog

Our SAFE Project is designed to provide support, foster & adoptive family recruitment, and education assistance in the permanency planning for LGBTQ foster youth, families, and professional teams including agencies and placement workers. FLO’s SAFE offers a wide net of support for youth in need, however there is always more to do. SAFE is more than a project; it is a message.

Everybody deserves to grow up in a safe home. Everybody needs safety to develop and find out who they are as human beings. Being safe should not be a privilege, it should be a norm.

Even though our SAFE project is directed to LGBTQ youth, same requirements apply to all. All youth needs unconditional support from their caregivers. Period. The world is crazy enough for all of us. Our kids are only at the beginning of trying to figure it all out and as mature they might seem outside, inside it’s all in a whirlwind.

Adults can do a lot:

We all want our kids to be polite. Say thank you, excuse me, may I please and good afternoon. What has happened though is that on some level politeness has turned into a demand; because I said the words, I’m entitled. Some argue that this is due to the new parental values that surfaced during the early nineties where children are treated like adults too early in terms of expressing needs. You have seen it: parents asking a three year old to pick up an ice cream out of twenty flavors while the line gets longer and the poor server’s face is paralyzed to a Cheshire Cat grin. After changing mind fifteen times and picking up the first choice, the kid gets the ice cream and the parents kneel down to say; “and what do we say? Say Thank You to the lady, now how do we say it?”
The child gets the ice cream, the parents feel satisfied for the public display of manners. Other customers in line are biting their tongues and the poor server wonders if the blood circulation will ever return to her face. The family leaves the chilly atmosphere of the ice cream parlor with apologetic smiles while the kid drops the scoop at the exit.   

How to get your juice back when there’s work, school, taxes, dog, cats and plans for the next week? Even planning for taking a break can sometimes feel overwhelming. When that is the case there is a way to have little moments for yourself so that energy can be restored without too much pressure.

Some of us savor that moment in the utility room, folding dirty towels in a haze not realizing that it was the wrong basket. It’s nice and peaceful, and more importantly; I’m still doing something useful so no guilty feelings over leaving my partner to deal with the mess in the kitchen after the kids got to the dog’s water bowl. I’m good. I’m not too tired.

Some of us volunteer to do the grocery run. The trick is to casually slip a piece of Tiramisu next to the potatoes and ground beef in the grocery cart, and pay for the whole lot with a library card while fantasizing over the soon to be had cake-extravaganza in the glamorous parking lot outside Safeways. I’m not tired! What? What grocery bags? uh...

So you might do the above, which is fine and necessary at times. You can also bring in some mindful techniques to release stress when planning anything else is just too much.

Bring back the senses; sit down and listen. What do I hear right now? Sit still and find five sounds that you hear right now. Yes, humming of the fridge counts, so does silence, or the distant murmur of some conversation in the other room.