Lesson 1 from the book and audio CD

Fri, 10/08/2010 - 07:53 | Frazzled Parenting

The action steps are very clearly written in the book (Total Transformation), so let's follow them and see what happens. It says to identify three characteristics your child uses to avoid taking responsibility (for his actions). Easy ..

  • Victim Stance
  • Dishonesty and Misinformation
  • Turnaround
Okay so to be truthful there are more than three, but these are the top three issues that create tantrums. Just so I know you're with me on this, let me show you.
 
Victim: “I don't know where my gym cloths and shoes are, someone keeps breaking into my locker at school and stealing them!” … “You never believe me” … “I turned that in! The teacher just didn't see it so she is saying I didn't do it!” … gosh, I could go on forever with this one ..
 
Dishonesty and Misinformation: Not so sure I need to clarify this one, it rides with homework, the day after a good day, a need for attention to gain control, so much more. So let's look at the last two days. S had a great day yesterday, so much so that even he realized that he had a great day. That tends to follow a bad day, S is so focused on gaining success through negative behavior that he has to sabotage the next day. He did. So today he was “taking the trash out” but instead he was in his brothers room playing with his brothers Game Boy (sometimes stealing it). His response, hang on you'll love this one! “You ruined the good thing I was doing! It was just sitting there and I picked up and shut it off because I found it and thought I would do a nice thing!” followed by the grabbing of the face and crying (he is 13 BTW).
 
Turnaround: So this one goes with the above. “It wasn't my fault, he left it out there so I had to take care of it and if you hadn't walked in on me than I wouldn't be in trouble right now!” OH so it is his brothers fault and the parent's fault for catching him in the act.
 
Now we need to identify three situations he uses negative behavior to get his way. Got that down pat!
 
So, now when he uses this poor behavior the lesson plan says to “... declare that that behavior is not going to solve the problem.” Hm. Ok. I think I am following this, but the example in the book in this lesson isn't going to work on S, so we tried something different.
 
In one of the CD's James suggests that even the kids should read this program, that they too can get something out of hearing the CD's and reading the text in the book. We've haven't had S hear the CD, yet but we sure have used the text in the book.
 
When he blows up, we're now telling him to wait, we run to get James lesson book (look it sounds dumb but if you can out drama your kid than it works, trust me). We than read to him, or have him read the Characteristic behavior he is using. So if he is playing the Victim we have him read that out load.
 
OMG it works! We don't have to say anything. The lesson book said it all to him. He cannot fight the words in the book and we have removed ourselves from the fight. So, we have him read it, than simply have him follow through on the expected action he should be using.
 
So let's stick with this one for a while and see just how long we can keep this up and the effect it has. This is exciting!