Our friends told us the younger the child is the better, because they’ll be less “damaged”. Is this true?

If we had a dime for every time this question was asked, we wouldn’t ever have to ask for funding and donations again. No. This is not true.

Children come into care for a wide range of reasons, the number one reason is neglect regardless of the age of the child. There is actually a growing number of studies that indicate that children that enter the system or orphanages under the age of four may suffer a higher rate of traumatic stress disorders. Older children come with their own unique issues that infants and toddlers may not, but all children are effected by the trauma of grief and loss that may be associated with their individual situation. Those issues may not be evident when the child is placed with you but may show themselves over time. The more comfortable the child feels around you, the more likely they are to act out. As strange as that may sound. You’re their safe place to act out and test you to see if you’ll push them away like so many other adults have. See our research and support area for more on the effects of trauma.

But since adoption is a process and not an event, any child will deal with issues when developmentally appropriate. The job of the parent(s) is to be knowledgeable about potential issues to help your child as much as possible.

Note here: Families considering international and birth-parent placement do not lower the risk of adopting a child with developmental, traumatic, attachment, and other issues. Actually in some cases the family is at greater risk for undisclosed issues. Every “issue” that is seen with a child in the foster care system is also found with kids adopted internationally.