That's Mr. Evil to you!

Sun, 09/19/2010 - 17:04 | Frazzled Parenting

Nothing like knowing you're doing your job as parent correctly when your child declares your “evil” as a result of holding him accountable for his actions; or lack there of.

Yup. Another fun few days. Overall S is doing better this year in the first few days of school but OMG those moments when he isn't. So far we've had a 4 hour tantrum this last week after school, a 40 minute tantrum prior to leaving for school, and a 2 and half hour tantrum last night and little fits sprinkled here and there.
 
So for those of you that are keeping score. We had a triple play last night, Victim, Misinformation and a solid try at a Turn Around so it was someone else, not him. Which neatly brings us back to The Total Transformation program we've been working our way through.
 
So far we've completed:
  • Listening to the Jump Start DVD, watching it before starting with the audio lessons. Oh, and we've also listened to the bonus CD too.
  • We've read all the info in the introduction
  • Taken the Pre-Evaluation on page 5 of the workbook
  • Have taken the Pre-test for the lesson, closed the book and listened to Audio Lesson One.
I have to admit, I was skeptical of this program but after learning more about James Lehman I am feeling much more confident in this program. As most of you know, simply having the letters “MSW” or title of social worker, therapist, counselor after your name doesn't cut it with me; or any of us here at FLO for that matter. Knowing that you're one of us, that you have in some manner had to walk the walk makes a big difference. James Lehman has done just that.
 
Lehman, as it turns out is an adoptee, he was also the kid that so many of us are parenting today. That kid with oppositional issues, attachment and definite behavior problems. Now he works with families that have kids that were once him, which gives him the ability to talk to the families and those kids in a much different manner.
 
I must admit, I was impressed when I heard that.
 
While watching the DVD with the “Watch me First” sticker I heard Lehman state “I have worked with a lot of families that have gone through therapy sessions and then say after, 'well ok, now what do we do when we're out of the office?' ..”
 
So you've got my attention! I too have heard the same thing from so many of you after you leave your therapist. Trust me we can relate. It is exactly why FLO now has our post-placement Out of the Box parenting program.
 
Later he is heard saying “Parents need to learn to parent the child they have, not the child they wish they had.” Hard to swallow for so many of us, it means giving up that child we wanted or thought we'd have for the child we actually do have.
 
“You don't need to attend every fight you're invited to … if you engage in the argument you give power to the fight that the kid is trying to pull you into.”
 
“These kids use disrespectful, abusive and obnoxious behavior to solve problems and obtain power. As long as that works for them, they will continue to do it. Think about it, if it works for you why would you stop doing it? … you cannot love the behavior way, it doesn't mean you don't love the kid it just means you need to parent the kid effectively. Responsible love means you teach the kid to take on responsibility and deal with the consequences. Set limits and hold to those limits.
 
So Mr. Lehman, we're set to build a culture of accountability as you so elegantly stated.
 
Now we are listening to disk 1 and continuing on in the work book while the puppy is next time me playing with her tennis ball and the sea lions are yelling at each other off in a distance.
 
It is to quiet. Maybe I should go see where the boys are.
I think first I'll sit and watch the puppy for a while.
 
David