Help! - Common Foster Care & Adopt-Foster FAQ's

Adopt-Foster vs Foster to Adopt

The common term that adoptive families will hear when adopting from the foster system is “foster to adopt.” The reason for this term has both a quasi legal reference, and an outdated way of looking at adoptive families.
 
Often pre-adoptive families are placed with children that are not yet legally free and available for adoption; you may also hear this referred to as “concurrent planning.” This means that while the child may be moving towards adoption, there is still a possibility of reunification with the birth family. Where the quasi legal reference comes into play is the placement of words. Putting “foster” first refers to the family as a foster family, not as an adoptive family. In court the birth family may raise concerns that the “foster – adopt” family isn't supporting reunification because their goal is adoption. So, you are simply referred to as the foster family.
 
However, outside the court room you should always refer to your self as an adopt-foster family regardless of how your agency refers to you. You want to always make it clear to everyone that your goal is adoption, not temporary care. The easiest, and best way to remind them is simply stating your goal up front, that being Adopt-Foster (adoption of a child(ren) that is currently in the foster care system and moving towards adoption).
 
Social Service foster system persist on the outdated thinking that adoptive families think, look and act the same as foster families. They do not. Adoptive families cannot be and should not be treated as a temporary placement for a foster child, that is a traditional foster parent. This is how we lose current and potential adoptive families, as well as current and future foster families.

What is Foster Parenting?

Foster parents provide a safe, supportive and non-judgmental home while the child(ren)’s parents/guardians/families of origin work to resolve issues that have placed the child(ren) in the foster system. These children range in age from newborn to 17, single children to sibling groups. The goal of the foster system is reunification of the child(ren) with their biological family whenever possible.

What is an Adopt-Foster parent?

The majority of families that contact Families Like Ours are interested in adopting a child from the foster care system. This makes you an adopt-foster family. You’ll more often hear this called a Foster-Adopt family. We’re changing that.

Families that have the goal of adoption are just that, an adoptive family. The fact that the child they are in the process of adopting is in the state foster care system adds the “foster” part of the process. But since the goal is adoption, let’s just call it wait it is - Adopt-Foster. Adopt-Foster families do not think of themselves as foster families. As an adoptive family you hold a foster license as apart of your adoption process. Foster families tend to enter the system with the goal of short term care for children, not a life long commitment to adopt a child.

It is however important to remember that nothing is 100 percent until the judge says your adoption has been finalized. As an Adopt-Foster family you enter the system understanding that you may obtain a non-legally free child, that could (or could not) become available for adoption. This is called legal risk. Keep in mind that you are in fact part of the team with the goal of reunification if at all possible, just like a non-adoptive family.

Our goal is to adopt, not foster so why do we need a foster license?

It is better to have your license and not need it, than need it and not have it.

When adopting from the state foster care system, even for legally free children the state prefers families have their foster car licensee. Having your license as part of your adoption means your can be eligible for an adoption subsidy contract and services for the child you’re adopting. It also opens you up to children that are heading towards adoption but many not yet be legally free. Without your license you cannot be placed with a non-legally free child. However, each state has different rules. Your state may require you to have a license regardless, where as another state may not require an adoptive family to have a license.

If you are at all considering a placement from outside of your state, in almost all case you will be asked by the sending state (the state that the child is from) to have a license.

For adoptive families having a foster license can be confusing since their goal is adoption. Think of it as a process or tool for your adoption.

We really would like an infant. Will we find infants in the foster system?

Yes of course you could be placed with an infant. If you are asking if the child will be available for adoption from the start, or will come to you with no “issues”, think again. Infants are not born legally free and available for adoption. There is a legal process that needs to be followed before the child can be adopted. In all cases the first choice is for the family to return to their biological family if that is at all possible. If that is not possible than adoption may become the next choice. We would suggest you talk with one of our Adoption Buddies.

How long do I/we have to wait for a placement?

It is impossible to answer this very common question. Normally it takes anywhere from 30 - 90 days to complete the “mechanics” of the process; background checks, classes, home study, etc. Once you have all the paperwork done and an approved home study that’s when a placement can happen. We’ve known families to be placed before the ink is dry on their home study and others that have waiting over a year to be placed. The Wing-Kovarik’s found their selection and placement to move along very quickly, must faster then they first imagined. Other keys that may play into the amount of time you could be waiting are the type of placement, age, number of kids, etc.

Our friends told us the younger the child is the better, because they’ll be less “damaged”. Is this true?

If we had a dime for every time this question was asked, we wouldn’t ever have to ask for funding and donations again. No. This is not true.

Children come into care for a wide range of reasons, the number one reason is neglect regardless of the age of the child. There is actually a growing number of studies that indicate that children that enter the system or orphanages under the age of four may suffer a higher rate of traumatic stress disorders. Older children come with their own unique issues that infants and toddlers may not, but all children are effected by the trauma of grief and loss that may be associated with their individual situation. Those issues may not be evident when the child is placed with you but may show themselves over time. The more comfortable the child feels around you, the more likely they are to act out. As strange as that may sound. You’re their safe place to act out and test you to see if you’ll push them away like so many other adults have. See our research and support area for more on the effects of trauma.

But since adoption is a process and not an event, any child will deal with issues when developmentally appropriate. The job of the parent(s) is to be knowledgeable about potential issues to help your child as much as possible.

Note here: Families considering international and birth-parent placement do not lower the risk of adopting a child with developmental, traumatic, attachment, and other issues. Actually in some cases the family is at greater risk for undisclosed issues. Every “issue” that is seen with a child in the foster care system is also found with kids adopted internationally.

Can we travel outside of the United States with our foster child(ren)?

Typically the answer will be no. If it is a once-in-a-life-time trip it could be possible for the court to allow for the travel but it is very unlikely. If you’re a foster family, we suggest using your network of respite providers. If you’re a pre-adoptive family just wait until after you finalize.

Can we go on vacation to another state with our foster children?

This depends upon your specific placement situation. Prior to finalizing an adoption you always need permission from the child’s worker to travel outside of your state. Make sure you inform the worker at least two weeks (we suggest four weeks) prior to your trip. As a foster or adopt-foster parent you cannot simply go away for the weekend. Foster families run into this situation often. With enough planning it may be possible. This is a case-by-case, worker-by-work question.